the dull and sad feeling

sadness is impending my life.. in my dreams i cry.
i cant talk about, i cant write about it.. i am just terribly sad.
my dad is leaving me. slowly but surely. in a few years i guess.
however number of years will still not be enough for me.
i have never told him i love him. i cant say that three sacred words.
i dont know what is blocking me. blocking my heart.

every day i busy myself with work.
i try in my own small way to tell him that i love him.
i go home for dinner frequently. i ask him how he is. if he has eaten,
if he has taken his medicine, if he has gone for a walk.
i tell him that i am with him. i show him that we are with him.

yes yes yes.. no no no. i should really find out what he likes and what he wants to do
but i am unable to penetrate his heart, i am unable to connect heart to heart, soul to soul.

what should i do? i am incapable of reaching to my own father.

i remember loving him oh so much.

i am fortunate to have him.

i love him.